


Jaskier the homewrecker

by Katarzynaaaaaaaaaa



Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Friends With Benefits, Jaskier is a tease, Kissing, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Nothing too explicit, Singer Jaskier | Dandelion, private investigator geralt, there are nuns involved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-16
Updated: 2020-02-16
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:21:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22753150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katarzynaaaaaaaaaa/pseuds/Katarzynaaaaaaaaaa
Summary: Being a private investigator had it's perks and of course some downfalls, for example when a man comes in your office asking you to spy on his wife to see if she was cheating, weird but doable until you find out it's your on and off... fuck buddy... is the guy his wife is banging, then you have to put your job on the line and lie to the man and say his wife isn't cheating. So most of the time Geralt doesn't take jobs where it revolves wives or husbands wondering if their partner is cheating, most of the time it's Jaskier who's the homewrecker.
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Comments: 2
Kudos: 49





	Jaskier the homewrecker

**Author's Note:**

> I dunno if this would fit under the mature tag or the teen tag but the end is kinda sexual but nothing too sexual. 
> 
> Anyways, I started reading 'The Last Wish' and pretty much this is my version of 'Chapter 5' but in a modern setting.

Being a private investigator had it's perks and of course some downfalls, for example when a man comes in your office asking you to spy on his wife to see if she was cheating, weird but doable until you find out it's your on and off... fuck buddy... is the guy his wife is banging, then you have to put your job on the line and lie to the man and say his wife isn't cheating. So most of the time Geralt doesn't take jobs where it revolves wives or husbands wondering if their partner is cheating, most of the time it's Jaskier who's the homewrecker. 

Work for the most part is harmless, it was rare for him to get hurt on the job. Occasionally he would get some cuts and bruises but nothing too serious. Geralt was used to angry husbands, pissed off parents, or teenagers, Hell, he even manged to piss off the sheriff, something Hereward, Geralt even has beef with street gangs like the Strigas and many others. With Geralt's line of work, he doesn't have much friends besides Jaskier, Yennefer, and Nenneke.

Geralt first met Nenneke few years back when he was on a case that involved missing troubled girls who were sent to live in the monastery. The police suggested they just ran away and didn't really looked into it. Long story short, Geralt found the girls, solved the case, and all that. So, most of the time Geralt goes to Nenneke when he needs to be patched up or a place to recover from a bad case. He may be a good P.I but his line of work won't be able to cover most medical bills, so he goes to Nenneke.

"Geralt, are you there?" A female voice suddenly spoke up from the other line, reminding Geralt where he was at and who he was speaking to.  
"Yes, I am. Do you need me to come down?"  
"No, however there's someone here to see you." The voice was peeved.  
"Again? Who is it this time? Hereward?"  
"No. It's Jaskier, your fellow. That idler, parasite and good-for-nothing, that priest of art, the bright-shinning star of the ballad and love poem. As usual, he's radiant with fame, puffed up like a pig's bladder and stinking of beer. Do you want to see him?" Nenneke sneered.  
"Of course. He's my friend after all."  
Nenneke sighed, "I can't understand your friendship. He's your absolute opposite."  
"Opposites attract."  
Nenneke snorted and bit back a laugh. "Of course, I'm sure there's no other reason why you have him around besides his... charming... personality." There was another sigh before Nenneke spoke again, "He's coming up, your famous rock star."  
"Surely, you're not going to claim you've never heard of his music."  
"I've heard of them." She winced. "I don't know much about it, but maybe the ability to jump from touching lyricism to obscenities so easily is a talent. Never mind. Forgive me, but I won't keep you company. I'm not in the mood for his poetry or his vulgar jokes."  
Before Geralt can reply, he hears Jaskier in the background. "My deepest respects, venerable mother." Jaskier said in honeyed voice. "Praise be the Great Melitele and her priestesses, the strings of virtue and wisdom-"  
"Stop talking bullshit." Snapped Nenneke. "And don't call me mother. The very idea that you could be my son fills me with horror." Suddenly the phone clicked and all Geralt heard was static. 

In a matter of minutes, Geralt's door opened, there stood a drunk Jaskier wearing a stupid smirk on his face. "She hasn't changed a bit and still can't take jokes."  
"Hmm."  
"She's pissed because I chatted with the gate keeper when I got here, a pretty blonde with long lashes." Jaskier continued as he walked towards Geralt. "Anyways, morning Geralt."  
"Morning Jaskier. How did you know I was here?"  
"I was in Wyzim. I heard that one of the striga members shot you, I knew you would come here instead of a hospital. You look okay but looks can be deceiving. How are you doing?"  
"I'm fine Jaskier."  
Jaskier made a slight pleased sound and sat on the desk Geralt was using.  
"I do have chairs."  
"I know." Jaskier purred and took the book that was on Geralt's desk. "Reading history?" Jaskier's smiled, "Roderick de Novembre? I've read about him. History was my second favorite subject when I was studying at Oxenfurt."  
"What was first?"  
"Geography, the atlas was bigger and it was easier to hide vodka behind it."  
Geralt laughs dryly, "Where are you going next?"  
"Nowhere. That is, if I could go where you're going? I could keep you company." Jaskier replied in a low flirtatious tone, putting the book down. "Do you plan to stay in this town for much longer?"  
"Not for long, the local sheriff made it known that I'm not welcomed."  
"Hereward?" Jaskier laughed, it was typical that he knew pretty much everyone, "He won't do shit."  
"I don't want any trouble and I've been here far too long anyways. I'm going South. There's not much cases here. Most of the time it's the husbands coming to me to find out if their wives are cheating. It's annoying." Geralt's flat tone finally turned to a slight hiss.  
"Are you crying over your career choices?" Jaskier teased as he moved closer to Geralt's space, knocking some books and paper in the process.  
"No, I'm annoyed. The husbands have a reason to worry about their wives cheating when you're around. I didn't think I had to worry about wives coming to me about their husbands because of you but I guess I do. Clearly, your type is anyone who's married." Geralt pressed on, his face even closer to Jaskier, "You know how many cases I turned away for thinking you could be the homewrecker? A lot. Because of you, I don't take those kind of cases anymore and most people have only one use for a P.I, to find out who's cheating."  
"That's rubbish, you'll starve if you won't take those cases."  
"And have those men find you?"  
"Never knew you cared that much."  
"I don't."  
"Of course, how silly of me." Jaskier whispered, his lips hovering over Geralt's lips. Suddenly Jaskier pulled away and got off the table, somehow even closer in Geralt's space than before. "You fuck everyone and protect them from other men. I'm not the only one." Jaskier continued on as he put his arms around Geralt's shoulder before sitting on his lap. Jaskier hands roaming around Geralt's body as Jaskier leaned in to bite Geralt's neck but instead of feeling the warm breath of Jaskier's mouth, Geralt felt a quick cold breeze, as Jaskier pulled away.  
"...Jaskier..."  
Jaskier smirked as he slightly got off Geralt's lap to reach for the book behind Geralt. "Millet and mosquitoes! That remind me of our first adventure together." Jaskier spoke in a sing-song tone and pressed his body back down hard on Geralt.  
"Jaskier, you fucking tease."  
"Do you remember? We met at the fete in Gulet and you persuaded me-"  
"You persuaded me! You had to flee from Gulet because the girl you knocked up had four sturdy brothers. They were looking for you all over town, that's why you hung onto me."  
"And you almost jumped out of your pants with joy to have a companion."  
"From what I can recall, there weren't any pants involved."  
Jaskier's whole body vibrated as he laughed and leaned forward, making Geralt feel every movement. "Geralt..." Jaskier groaned in his ear. "Would it be a sin to fuck you in this chair in a monastery?"  
"Probably."  
"Shame." Jaskier replied as he pushed Geralt back towards the bookshelf. "Put your arms around me." Jaskier hissed as he licked Geralt's earlobe. In a matter of seconds, Geralt wrapped his arms around Jaskier's waist causing Jaskier is purr right in Geralt's ear.  
"Jaskier start moving or I'll push you off of me."  
"With clothes or no clothes?"  



End file.
